The 2006 Royal Rumble Review

The 2006 Royal Rumble is here!
A review by reader the antichrist email him at theantichrist4@activemail.co.uk


usual promo video plays and it's time for the 19th annual Royal
Rumble(i wonder if the WWE are going to do anything special next year for
the 20th annual show? How about giving all the past Rumble winners free
spots in the 2007 Rumble match-well those who are still alive that is. i:e
not Yokozuna or Big John Studd).

Michael Cole and Tazz welcome us to the show, they pass it on to Joey
Styles and Jerry Lawler who pass it on to the Spanish anounce team as we
get set for the opening contest which is a six way, texas tornado style,
cruiserweight invitational in which only previous cruiserweight champions
are permitted to take part.

Kid Kash vs Funaki vs Jamie Noble vs Nunzio vs Paul London vs Gregory
Helms-The former Hurricane is the mystery participant in this match despite
being a Raw superstar. This is a great way to start the show and all six
men are on top form(particularly Paul London and Jamie Noble). This match
is almost what the "Cruiserweight Open" at Wrestlemania XX should have been
like! Paul London is easily the "man of the match" here, taking plenty of
sick bumps and hitting high spot after high spot including a sweet looking
dropkick/moonsault combination and an awesome shooting star press to his
five opponants on the outside. Gregory Helms manages to steal the win after
hitting Funaki with a shining wizard. 7/10-an exciting opening contest that
the crowd were well into but still WAY too short at around 8 minutes!

Vince Mcmahon is backstage at the "Rumble number drawings" with Torrie,
Candice and Victoria who Vince is predictably eyeing them up. I like how
the WWE is starting to bring back the backstage number drawrings at the
Rumble as it reminds us of the "good old days". Vince calls Randy Orton and
Triple H into the room to draw their numbers. Orton draws and is happy with
his number while Triple H engages in some great comic banter with the
ladies before picking his number and looking shocked and frustrated. Trish
is backstage getting ready to referee the match between Mickie James and
Ashley. Mickey tells Trish "she loves her" and it's time for the match in
question.

Mickey James vs Ashley-I wasn't expecting much from this match and it
sucked more than i thought it would! The crowd was chanting "boring" almost
immediately after the bell rang and the early part of the match was just
Mickey stalling away from Ashley. Later in the match, things got a little
stiff as Mickey James took control but the crowd were still snoring! Ashley
eventually mounted a comeback but she is still as green as grass and boy
was this match a showcase of that! As far as i'm aware Ashley was the face
going into the match but she acted like a heel throughout while Mickey
James was trying to act the heel but the crowd started booing Ashley's
tactics as the match progressed. Mickey James won with a powerbomb and we
have an obvious Wrestlemania XXII match set with Mickey James vs Trish
Stratuss. Did i mention that the match sucked? It gets 3/10 and those 3
points are NOT for anything that happened in the match! 3 hot chicks=3
points.

Vince is backstage again with the Divas and is "examining" their tatoo's.
Quite funny stuff actually with Vince saying Victoria's "lower back" tatoo
"has a crack in it"! The Big Show comes in to draw his number and asks
Vince if he wants to see his tatoo's. Vince doesn't and nor do we! I think
we saw more than enough of the Big Show at Wrestlemania 21 in that horrible
but hilarious Sumo match! The Big Show's hand doesn't fit into the number
box so he asks Candice to draw from him and he doesn't look happy or angry
with his number, so we assume he's got a middle number of something. Rey
Mysterio comes in and the fans heavily chant for the late but forever great
Eddie Guerrero. Rey doesn't look happy with his number but takes it as a
"spiritual prank" from Eddie.

John Bradshaw Layfields music hits and it's time for the next match.

John Bradshaw Layfield vs The Boogeyman-J.B.L doesn't come out in his limo
and is looking very nervous while he walks to the ring with Jillian. The
Boogeyman comes out looking like a cross between Darth Maul and Papa
Shango, with worms predictably dripping from his mouth. Before the match
starts, J.B.L bails to the outside while Jillian gets a mouthful of worms
courtesy of the Boogeyman. J.B.L then takes his opportunity to jump
Boogeyman from behind and the match is underway. J.B.L's moveset for the
entire match consists of punches, clubs and a chokehold while Boogeymans
consists of a terrible looking uppercut, a kick to the mid section and a
pump handle powerslam. You should have an idea of how short this match is
then. 2/10-very poor match that felt pointless! Hopefully this is a sign
that J.B.L is headed back down the card where he belongs, however i am
dreading the thought that the Boogeyman might be getting a push, having
just beat a former WWE Champion in less than 3 minutes! Oh well at least
they kept it short eh?

Backstage Shelton Benjamin's mother is coming onto Vince Mcmahon, before
Shelton himself enters the room to draw his number. Shelton looks happy and
promises he will eliminate Shawn Michaels. Melina comes in and wishes
Shelton luck as Shelton's mother drags him away by the ear before Shelton
can get Melina's number. MNM come in and draw their numbers, not looking
particularly bothered with them before Melina also promises Vince that her
boys will do their best to eliminate Shawn from the match. Vince then gets
comfy on the couch with the divas to watch the Royal Rumble match! Huh?
Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are commentating together! Huh?? The Royal
Rumble match is next! Huh??? Thats unexpected to say the least! I guess
Vince thinks a World Title match featuring Mark Henry is more important
than the 30 man Rumble match! We are then shown a video promo highlighting
all the feuding superstars(RVD/Carlito, HHH/Big Show, Orton/Benoit) in the
Rumble match while also acknowledging those who are not in feuds(Rey
Mysterio, Chris Masters, Matt Hardy, Bobby Lashley) who have vowed to win
the Rumble match. Hmmm this is without a doubt an unpredictable Royal
Rumble match for a change! The favourites appear to be Shawn Michaels,
Randy Orton, Triple H and Rob Van Dam but could guys like Rey Mysterio and
Chris Benoit surprise us tonight? Here we go!

Before the match "the spirit squad" hits the ring and performs some little
sing and dance routine then leave! What was the point of that? Anyway
Lillian introduces Number 1 and its.......Triple H! Woah! Heres a bit of
trivia for you. exactly 10 years ago at the 1996 Royal Rumble, Triple
H(then only known as Hunter Hearst Helmsely and looking about 50 pounds
lighter!) entered the match at Number 1 and lasted almost one hour before
being eliminated by his Kliq pal Kevin Nash who was of course wrestling as
Deisel! Number 2 is.......Rey Mysterio! What a way to start the match with
two superstars with such contrasting sizes and styles, who have never met
in the ring before. Rey comes out in a lowrider and points up, as if to
acknowledge Eddie looking down on him while Triple H plays the heel,
telling Rey that Eddie can't help him tonight. The crowd is heavily
chanting "Eddie" as the 2006 Royal Rumble match gets underway. Rey and
Hunter go back and fourth until the timer begins to tick down-That was
quick! every 90 seconds my ass! Number 3 is.....Simon Dean-a very
underrated talent who has been completely wasted during his WWE career.
Simon goes right for Rey while trying to makes friends with Hunter who is
having none of it and proceeds to level Simon with a right hand, before
both he and Rey eliminate the fitness guru from the match. Rey and Hunter
then get back to tearing each other apart until Number 4 is revealed
as......Psichosis-a man Rey Mysterio has had some awesome battles with in
both ECW and WCW. Psichosis takes out Hunter with a spin kick then turns
his attention to Rey. However his assault on Mysterio is shortlived as Rey
reverses a cross powerbomb attempt into a hurricanrana which sends the
Mexicool over the top rope! The clock ticks down again as we learn the man
who drew Number 5 is.......Ric Flair-The I-C champion(unfortunately!) comes
down to a great crowd response as he and Hunter lock eyes and soon horns as
Ric lays into him with chops. Ric eventually gets eliminated via a backdrop
from Triple H and that was surprising to say the least! The crowd hate the
fact Flair is gone but soon turn their attention to the entrance way
because Number 6 is about to be revealed and its none other than.....The
Big Show! He gets a decent pop and has a big smile on his face as he sees
Hunter lying on the canvass looking like he's crapping himself! Big Show
takes out Hunter with a headbutt and kicks and chops away at him in the
turnbuckle until he turns his attention to Mysterio, whom he headbutts too.
Number 7 is........The Coach, who takes his time coming to the ring but
then makes the mistake of attacking Big Show who soon sends him over the
top rope and back to the locker room! Big Show then presses Hunter over his
head but doesn't bother t simply toss him out! Dumbass! Number 8
is......Bobby Lashley-The former amateur Champion who has been impressive
since his debut in late 2005 despite still being abit green in that ring.
Lashley looks ripped by the way and he stares down Big Show before they get
it on. Lashley displays his awesome power backdropping Big Show at
lightning speed. Lashley then takes out Rey and Triple H before Number 9 is
revealed as.....Kane! Lashley and Kane go toe to toe before Lashley hits a
huge belly to belly on him. Lashley then goes on a "power trip" so to speak
as he presses Hunter over his head then gives Kane a high impact dominator!
Number 10 is.....Sylvain Grenier-why is he even in this match? He's doing
nothing on Smackdown and his former partners Rene Dupree and Rob Conway are
WAY more talented and deserving! Sylvain becomes more fodder for Lashley
who eliminates him with force!

The World Tag Team Champions, Kane and The Big Show are back up and give
Lashley a double chokeslam before sending the young powerhouse over the top
rope. Kane and The Big Show then turn on each other as both Rey and Hunter
are still down. They eventually end up choking each other, trying to send
one another over the top rope and predictably Triple H comes out of nowhere
and dumps both of them, the same way Shawn Michaels so unpredictably did 10
years earlier at the 1996 Royal Rumble to Vader and the late Yokozuna. We
are back down to Triple H and Rey Mysterio as Number 11 is revealed
as.....Carlito Caribbean Cool-a man who may be limited in terms of
wrestling ability, but plays his character to perfection both in and out of
the ring. Carlito had a great 2005 capturing the I-C title and hanging with
main eventers, while in 2006 he partly headlined the "New Years Revolution"
PPV and was the last man, then WWE Champion John Cena in the elimination
chamber match. Carlito goes after both Hunter and Rey, hitting his vicious
modified back breaker to the latter. Number 12 is......Chris Benoit who
gets a great pop from the crowd and goes right after everyone including his
friend Rey Mysterio, whom he hits a wicked looking german suplex on. Benoit
hits his flying headbutt on Hunter as number 13 is revealed as.....Booker
T-The U.S Champion, who is accompanied by Sharmell and sporting long tights
for the first time since his WCW days with Harlem Heat!(This is proberbly
due to his groin injury). Booker predictably goes for Benoit and
predictably gets eliminated very quickly! What was the point of that?
Booker is obviously too injured to compete and his Rumble position could
have surely gone to someone else on the Smackdown roster like William Regal
who could have had a better run in the match. The crowd boo's when Booker
is eliminated either because they love the guy and want him back to his
much better babyface persona or because like me they feel cheated out of a
Rumble participant! Number 14 is......Joey Mercury-one half of the tag team
champions and one half of proberbly the only good tag team in the WWE
today! Mercury goes after Carlito, then knocks Hunter down with a big right
hand. Number 15 is......TATANKA! Woah! I couldn't believe it when i heard
that chant at the intro of his theme music being played! A surprise Raw
entrant and another Superstar who competed 10 years earlier in the 1996
Royal Rumble. Tatanka looks pretty much the same as he did back then except
he's abit heavier these days. Tatanka may have had a lame gimmick but he
was always a solid in ring performer(if overpushed at times! Remember King
Of The Ring 1995 anyone?). Tatanka goes right after everyone while the
crowd imitates his native American chanting. Number 16 is......Johnny
Nitro, who obviously teams up with his MNM partner Joey Mercury in
attacking everyone. The men who drew numbers 1 and 2 are still in the
match! Rey Mysterio almost gets eliminated by Carlito while Hunter spends
most of the time in the turnbuckle. Number 17 is.......Trevor Murdoch! Why
oh why is this "worst wrestler of the year" candidate in the Royal Rumble?
Hell, i cant stand his former partner Garrison Cade, but i'd rather have
him in this thing than Murdoch! Number 18 is.......Eugene? I thought he got
suspended indefinetly! Oh well, the WWE needed Rumble participants i guess!
Anyway Eugene is back and this is another reason William Regal should have
been in this match as the heel Regal could have had a little confrontation
with his former babyface partner. Eugene points his "Hogan finger" at
Murdoch and lays into him before Rey takes both of them down with a
bulldog. Number 19 is....Animal who goes after MNM-the men who sickeningly
mocked his deceased partner Hawk in one of 2005's many lows!

Number 20 is......ROB VAN DAM! The crowd goes wild and gives the self
proclaimed "Whole Fuckin' Show" the biggest pop of the night so far! RVD
lays into everyone with his martial arts skills as the fans heavily chant
"RVD", "RVD", "RVD"! If RVD won this thing i wouldn't be shocked! The guy
may lack mic skills but he has the look, the abilty and most of all the fan
support to be taken seriously as a main eventer for the company! Rob Van
Dam soon eliminates Animal from the match and that must be the first
elimination in about half an hour! The ring is full of superstars, both
spent and fresh as Number 21 enters as.....Orlando Jordan-The crowd is
silent, like they are for all of Jordan's matches! The crowd soon breaks
out into another "RVD" chant and i hope Vince is hearing them loud and
clear! After 5 years of pointless feuds and being held back i think it's
about time the WWE gives RVD the break he deserves and a Royal Rumble win
would be a great way to do just that! Anyway back to the Rumble, Eugene
shows us he's still a retard by shaking Triple H's hand who proceeds to
give him a low blow! RVD dumps Carlito who JUST manages to hang on with one
arm! Phew! That was REALLY close! Number 22 is.....Kerwin White! Oh no it's
not! It's Chavo Guerrero! The same Chavo Guerrero who should have stayed
Chavo Guerrero all along and not been disgraced with that AWFUL Kerwin
White gimmick by the brainless WWE writers some months back! Chavo hits the
ring to a chorus of "Eddie" chants as the third generation Superstar goes
after everyone including uncle Eddie's pal Rey Mysterio, who Chavo hits a
wicked alley-oop like bomb on. Chavo then hits the Three Amigo's on one of
MNM and goes upstairs for the frog splash but Hunter shoves him off and
thats the end of Chavo's Rumble time! Rey and Benoit then tear into the
"heartless heel" Triple H for shoving Chavo off as Number 23 is revealed
as......Matt Hardy-a man who had a whirlwind 2005 to say the least! Hardy
gets a decent pop and hits pair of side effects on MNM. The WWE Tag Team
Champs soon recover though and eliminate Tatanka from the match. Number 24
is Super Crazy who goes straight from MNM with a high flying move. Number
25 is......Shawn Michaels-the man who won the Royal Rumble 10 years earlier
at the 96 Rumble(also 11 years earlier at the 95 Rumble) and the last man
Vince Mcmahon wants to win the Rumble match! HBK attacks everything that
moves and eliminates Trevor Murdoch. Number 26 is already out?(these Rumble
entrants are no way every 90 seconds!) and it's....Chris Masters who goes
after Benoit. Matt Hardy ALMOST eliminates Hunter for about the tenth time!
Number 27 is Viscera-another man who participated in the 96 Rumble a decade
earlier as Mabel. Matt Hardy tries the twist of fate on Big Bis but gets
eliminated by the worlds largest love machine! Number 28 is...Shelton
Benjamin who comes out with Momma and goes right for his former I-C Title
rival Carlito. Benoit eliminates Eugene! Number 29 is.....Goldust! Woah!
Another surprise entrant! Hmmm i wonder if Dusty Rhodes has anything to do
with this? Goldust won the I-C Ttle a decade earlier at the 96 Rumble, now
he looks to win the Rumble match itself, but we all know he's got no
chance! Number 30 is of course Randy Orton who quickly eliminates Benoit
and RKO's Viscera. Carlito and Masters capitalise on the RKO and dump
Viscera but as Masters celebrates Carlito dumps him! Goldust gives the
cocky latino the shattered dreams then gets eliminated by RVD's martial
arts! Orton eliminates Orlando. MNM double up on HBK but Shawn counters the
snapshot and Mercury eliminates Nitro by accident before HBK eliminates
Mercury himself. Shelton kicks HBK and tries to eliminate him but Shawn
counters again and hits the Super Kick and Shelton is gone! HBK is on fire!

Vince Mcmahon's music hits and the moment we've all predicted has come!
Vince is here to screw HBK but Shawn is not going to back down from Vince!
However Shane Mcmahon runs in and eliminates HBK from the match! Shawn cant
believe it and goes after Shane but Hunter grabs him and sets up for the
pedigree but HBK blocks and hits the Sweet Chin Music before chasing Shane
back to the locker room. This sets up Shawn vs Shane at Wrestlemania XXII
which i must say sounds alot more promising than the expected Shawn vs
Vince match! Meanwhile back in the ring RVD eliminates Carlito and we are
down to the final 4! It's Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Rey Mysterio and Randy
Orton! It's the second time both Rey and Hunter have been in "final four"
situations at the Rumble PPV and it's only the second time in Rumble
history that the men who drew numbers 1 and 2 have made it to the final
four! Former tag team partners RVD and Rey Mysterio form an alliance while
former Evolution members Hunter and Orton are forced into a similar
situation. Triple H is bleeding from the mouth as the crowd chants for RVD
again! RVD and Rey double team Orton and Hunter but their luck soon runs
out when RVD is caught by Hunter while attempting the frog splash. Triple H
then catches Rey attempting a high flying move and sends him into RVD and
the crowd hates it as Rob Van Dam's Royal Rumble return has come to an end.
Hunter and Orton look to double team Rey as the crowd begins "Eddie" chants
again. Rey fights both men with all he's got and hits a double 6:19 on
them. Hunter soon stops Rey in his tracks though with a clothesline and
then starts attacking Orton who hits a powerslam on The Game and goes for
the RKO which is countered into a spinebuster from Hunter. Triple H the
attempts to spinebuster Rey but to the shock of everyone Rey counters and
eliminates The Game from the match! It's down to Orton and Mysterio! Triple
H is irate and he attacks Rey and sends him into the steps! Orton is happy
that Rey is easy pickings now. The crowd chants "Eddie" as Orton scoops up
Rey to eliminate him but Mysterio holds onto the ropes to block, then all
of a sudden flips around and locks in a head scissors and eliminates Randy
Orton! WOW! I was in shock when this happened cause i never thought in a
million years that Rey Mysterio would win a Royal Rumble let alone head to
a main event at Wrestlemania! All i can say is i'm glad that someone who
actually deserves to win has won! Randy Orton has improved since 2004 but i
still don't think he's paid his dues or deserving of the main event yet.
Rey Mysterio has worked his ass off for nearly 20 years, overcoming so many
obstacles in his career and although i'd have preferred Rob Van Dam to win
the Rumble match, i'm happy Rey Mysterio has done it and this has to be one
of the most shocking wins in WWE history! I give the 2006 Rumble match
6.5/10-Some great moments, plenty of surprises(Tatanka, Goldust, Eugene
etc) and a totally unexpected ending let down by some pointless
entrants(Booker T, The Coach, Sylvain etc) and a rushed feeling. This was
not the best Rumble match ever but it was far from the worst and definetly
miles better than last years snorefest! Now the question is who will Rey
Rey face at Wrestlemania? Rey vs Angle would rock but we have seen it
before! Rey vs Edge could be great too but we will just have to see if Edge
remains Champion tonight first! Hmmm is it just me or does anyone feel that
we might see a Triple H/Rey Mysterio match at Wrestlemania? After all
Hunter did attack Rey after getting eliminated and he always seems to main
event Wrestlemania nowerdays doesn't he?

Rey is celebrating backstage with Benoit, Chavo and Dean Malenko when Edge
interrupts. Could this be the main event for Wrestlemania 22? We then see a
promo video for the upcoming Cena vs Edge match.

John Cena vs Edge-Cena got his usual mix of boo's, cheers and "let's go
Cena" chants, while Edge got boo's and some faint "Let's Go Edge" chants.
Surprisingly John Cena won the match with the STF(which he calls his STFU).
5.5/10-Disappointing match! It had some good moments and was solid
throughout but interesting it wasnt! My worries that Triple H will main
event Wrestlemania again as Champion are becoming more likely as Raw now
has a babyface Champion-just what it needs for Triple H to regain before
Wrestlemania!

Backstage Edge is furious at losing and so is Lita but then she spots
Hacksaw Jim Duggan who says he's there on behalf of John Cena to say
HOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! LMFAO! Now thats the best moment in Hacksaw Jim Duggan's
career EVER! Actually thats proberbly the ONLY moment in Hacksaws career i
have enjoyed, but i must say that why on earth was Duggan dressed in his
wrestling attire? Do we really need to see his "physique"???

Next up Kurt Angle gives an interview about his upcoming match with Mark
Henry and a video promo is shown of their story. Now i know theres no way
in hell Henry can win here but after tonights shocking Rumble win i think
that ANYTHING can happen in the WWE! If Henry wins the title i'm boycotting
Smackdown altogether! I mean i could just about stand J.B.L as Champion(you
could get a decent brawl out of him at least) but Mark Henry is totally and
utterly useless and i've no idea what the writers are snorting to think
that fans want to see him pushed into the main event!

Mark Henry vs Kurt Angle-Oh my goodness! Even the great Kurt Angle couldn't
drag a decent match out of Mark Henry here! 4/10-Very boring match that
ended when Kurt Angle hit Henry's head off the exposed steel turnbuckle and
got the 3 count but as he began to celebrate The Undertaker's music hit and
ladies and gentlemen we have our "No Way Out" main event. Who is the heel
here though? Is there a heel here or is this one of those face vs face
matches? If so why is Smackdown advertising Mark Henry and The Undertaker
vs Randy Orton and Kurt Angle? Henry's a heel and so is Orton so whats the
deal? If The Undertaker wins the title at No Way Out i really hope we don't
have another Orton vs Undertaker match at Wrestlemania cause that feud was
done to death in 2005! Angle vs Undertaker at Wrestlemania would be ok but
i wonder if it could possibly be Rey Mysterio vs The Undertaker? We'll just
have to wait and see i guess but as i see it right now the following
matches are likely to take place at Wrestlemania XXII....HBK/Shane Mcmahon,
Trish/Mickey James, Rey Mysterio vs either Triple H, Edge, Kurt Angle or
The Undertaker. As for The Royal Rumble 2006 i'll give it 5/10-a good
opener, two AWFUL matches, a entertaining Royal Rumble match, an ok WWE
Title match and a boring World Title match. An improvement on last years
Rumble but still not up to the standard as previous Rumbles. As a PPV it's
poor stuff but the Cruiserweight match and the Rumble match just about made
it worth the £14.99